Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
