in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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