FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
