your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
