you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize