We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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