I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
