I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
