do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
