Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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