Your face is a jimmy john
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize