I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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