I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
