Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
