he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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