just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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