stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
