Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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