Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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