Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
