Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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