dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
