I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
