i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
