I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
