How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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