sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
