I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
