just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
