i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
