I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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