I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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