so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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