she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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