If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
