I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You're so nebulous sometimes
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize