i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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