her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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