I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
