I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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