ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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