what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
