I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
