I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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