She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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