I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
