You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
