What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
