My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
