I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
