the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
