my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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