Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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