You just made me feel so damn special
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if only i could text you this smell
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
