I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
