i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize