I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
