i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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