He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
