I want to walk on stilts...naked
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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