Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize