she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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