Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
