im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
