i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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