He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
