I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
