You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
