I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
